God.
A thread...
Some of you are going to hate me, many already do; so take a number and get in line.
The supreme being.
*Sound of sweet voiced choral oooh'ing and ahh'ing*
Who apparently created everything and everyone; then relied on stupid people to spread his word.
The kind of people that argue over the word of God, even though they are supposed to live and obey; the very word of God.
How arrogant were they ffs?
& in many cases; still are!
This guy that is alleged to have made everything, didn't invent a pen and paper to pass down his rules, regulations, laws or Commandments. For a clever bloke; that's pretty stupid?
Right?
*At this point the Choir walks out in silence*
He had a chance to launch Computers and the Internet all that time ago, could have even added his own edit button.
Nahhhh. He didn't even bother inventing the Dictaphone; to make his own life easier. Rookie mistake.
No, seriously; it is! I mean, twatting away on a stone with a chisel to be grandiose is all good and well; till you remember he only opted to hand out 10 rules.
REALLY short sighted; given his creation of so many argumentative eejits.
(& given he was so short-sighted on many thing; wouldn't inventing Specsavers back in those days have been a priority? Or at least a good idea...)
You'd have thought he would have seen the trouble that would have caused. No? That was always going to cause a pile up of carnage for Centuries after. (History backs me up on this one! It has been, and it does not look like it is going to slow down; any time soon.)
Why would someone who is omnipotent, allow silly men to take the LITERAL WORD OF GOD, and then start editing it, adding bits; or reworking his words and meanings. So they could make money off of the Followers of God...
Even renaming the bible, to feature them instead of the big OG G. O. D...
“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”
(Left himself wide open there, for other Gods after him though; also a rookie mistake!)
“Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.”
(Should have issued an official and licensed image there mate; that shits on you!)
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”
(He doesn't mind you screaming out his name as you cum your brains out though; funny that! The Porn industry got away with and still get away with this on an epic scale!)
To the point where some men have just rebranded his whole creative works; and made themselves the starring deity; in their plagiarised work?!?! !! !!!!!!
No smiting or heavenly thunderbolts and loud voice from above issuing a firm rifting, or sound bollocking. Not so much as a heavenly fart has been recorded on this one!
He invented everything, including Lawyers and Courts. So you'd think he'd have the Billy Big Bollocks of all legal teams; to protect his IP. RIGHT????
Seems not.
His minions and followers seem to do an awful lot of killing in his name...
Which is pretty odd given Thou shalt not kill; is one of his commandments...
Which let's face it, is and always has and always will be; one of the biggest problems with his holiness.
As well as Priests who smash up the commandments; often. & so much corruption has followed by his chosen ministers and official staff...
Makes you wonder, no?
Then along came Jesus; and shit got real...
Well, not real; but you get my meaning.
God decided he needed a Son. Fair enough, you've created an empire; and you need to ensure you at least get a Legacy from it. Fair do's! I can see where he was going here. But the wheels on the bus fell off, before the bus got out of the garage....
The immaculate conception...
Nice to see even though God didn't launch computers or the Interwebs back then, he thought Rohypnol; was a good idea.
*OH FUCK HE ISN'T GOING THERE IS HE*
(The Choir filter back in open mouthed and sit down to watch this one go down)
Yep, you're Goddamn right I am.
If anything that is said or written about all of this. This one is the head scratcher of all time and logic. Miss Virgin Mary, either got roofied and done by an "Angel" sent by God... So we are led to believe. Or at this point God was just full on fucking with his followers.
As tests of faith go; God pulled out a blinder here. A humble and faithful woman gets a knock at the door one day, while her devoted husband is out making furniture. & let's a stranger into her home who is selling themself as Gods; horny little errand boy. He gives her his spiel and she buys the pitch. But he's not allowed to slip one in her Vajayjay, as she needs to be a Virgin. So, either she got her backdoors booted in and then some odd biology occured; and out popped the World's biggest seller of Leather Sandals.
Or, God invented IVF; which then shits all over certain religious types uproar and outrage; about IVF...
Either way, the bloke in a sheet and some tinsel on a wire above his head, got off, then got off; before Joseph knocked off for the day & came home for dinner.
*3 of the Choir members faint at this point and a row of Benches starts to cascade and make a very loud racket*
Then it just gets even more incredulous.
Joseph takes the story of an Angel visiting and knocking his missus up, at face value.
I would like to read the statements of the neighbours when that went down. I'd lay odds some choice language was used, and that argument would have caused quite a local commotion!
& you know the local law enforcement types; turned up to deal with the commotion. Joseph was a decent bloke though *apparently*, and even though he didn't get to score the Touchdown.
He apparently thought it sounds like life might be interesting, being the cuckold of God... (I'm not judging, it takes all sorts. & decent guys have been known to step up and do good things.) & word like that, would get around fast!
God then spent a long time doing his best to have his son killed, beaten, abused, and generally heaped shit all over him. To show how caring he was...
Sounds like child abuse to me; and seems it did to a lot of priests later. Who got BANG into abusing kids and then being covered; by the Churches...
God didn't pop up and have a word in person about that; kind of harsh really...
Centuries later Esther Rantzen would though, which was a good thing! & so far, God has never actually shown up to rectify all his fuckery, misery and the pain he has caused Millions of people; over Centuries. All in all; he's a bit of a Jack bastard. & no matter how many books he may have written, no matter how many pamphlets they send out...
They mostly just contradict each other, fuel more arguments, violence; and snide people making money from the gullible.
HE got one thing right, if he did ever exist. Coffee!
& it is time for one of those; right now.
Enjoyed this? I love coffee, if you'd like you can buy me one.
